


The Admiral's Inbox

by primeideal



Category: FTL: Faster Than Light (Video Game)
Genre: Epistolary, Gen, Interspecies Awkwardness, No Geneva Convention In Space, Oxygen is weird
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:02:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25261303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/primeideal/pseuds/primeideal
Summary: Just another day in the life of Admiral Tully.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 8
Collections: Juletide 2020





	The Admiral's Inbox

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kastaka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kastaka/gifts).



Dear Admiral Tully,

Concerning the charges listed against us, we will happily stand court-martial if we make it to Sector 8. In the much likelier event we are killed in service to the Federation before then, we don't think you will have anything to worry about.

We do admit to bringing about the death of our superior officer, Captain Elnubnub of the Kruos, in a premeditated fashion before embarking on this quest. This was not under the influence of mind control or a mutiny against his orders, seeing as he had not issued any. Rather, we refuse to serve under a puny oxygen-breathing creature who would require an entire room of the ship dedicated to modifying air for his survival.

The dangers of oxygen are numerous. Firstly, it allows fire to spread, potentially causing harm to systems and crew aboard ship. Secondly, it can sustain life for enemy boarders as well as our own crew. By draining the ship of oxygen, we deter them from staying and wrecking havoc on the Kruos. Thirdly, it requires scarce energy to maintain. That energy could be better used powering the engines or shields or any other critical system.

Our intent is to earn the Achievement that would come from reaching the final sector with low levels of oxygen. As you surely know, Achievements are an important part of upgrading our fleet, so that perhaps some other ship may have success even if we fail. Based on many simulations, we consider this easier to earn than amassing 600 scrap in our storage. As prudent troops, we understand the necessity of immediately re-investing our earnings towards upgrading and repairing the Kruos.

Even this is no easy feat, however; we are not the only faction in the galaxy with knowledge of hacking. When enemy ships hack ours, they not only disrupt our systems, but lock rooms off. This makes it unfeasible for us to enter and exit, but even worse, it would increase the oxygen level in that room if the system was operational. Given this, it was unfeasible to keep Elnubnub alive and imprisoned in a single oxygenated room. We would hate to put all that work into preserving his life only for a hacker in sector six to thwart us.

We understand that we will be unable to hire any non-Lanius crew, or even accept offers from those we aid and liberate to serve with us. However, considering how often our missions tend to end in disaster, we really think we're doing our would-be comrades a favor here.

Thank you for your understanding.

Best,  
Turing and Zerimar

* * *

Dear Admiral Tully,

I am a skilled and experienced shield operator. However, Captain Triko refuses to let me remain at my station, and keeps ordering me to hang out in the sensor room. That's an entire room away and I do not want to have to walk back and forth all the time. The reason she does this is because she is too cheap to upgrade the sensors, and she wants all-hours monitoring of enemy spacecraft. Instead of blowing up their hulls like normal people, she insists that we slowly set the interiors of ships on fire until the crew is burnt/asphyxiated/etc. I dislike having to watch this prolonged torture, and feel my time could be better spent in the shields room where I could continue improving my skills. Please tell her to knock it off, this is cruel and unusual treatment of enemy combatants.

Thank you,  
Roper of the Shivan

P.S. She won't let us spend money on buying doors either. Who approved the design for a spacecraft with no doors????

* * *

Admiral Tully,

Loyal Anti-Personnel Drone (ANPED) unit above Vortex reports for duty! ANPED happily destroys pathetic boarding parties. ANPED not skillful navigator, but brilliant Engi Gracie upgrade Vortex to level two piloting! Vortex need no staff in bridge to jump!

Sadly, giant spiders eat Captain Gracie during heroic mission. Despicable rebels claim Vortex "empty scrap" and "devoid of life." Rebels forget ANPED here and willing to fight! When little System Repair Drone (SYRED) units achieve sentience, they help Vortex too!

Wise Federation knows Engi important part of crew, even with no emotions or squishy parts. Please, no discrimination against hard-working drone comrades. Allow ANPED to lead Vortex to victory!

Many thanks.  
-ANPED

* * *

Dear Admiral Tully,

I am an experienced Zoltan pilot, and also have some knowledge of hand-to-hand combat as well as ship maintenance. I enlisted aboard the Kestrel because of my gratitude for the crew rescuing some of my colleagues from pirates. However, I feel as if I am being overlooked for a deserving promotion because of my species. Rather than serve as captain, I am ordered to stay in the engine room and use my internal energy supply to power the ship. This feels somewhat objectifying. Can you please carry out a thorough performance review and make sure my talents are used where they can best help the Federation?

Thank you,  
Mort

* * *

To the Federation,

Enough! You send your troops into our holy places and do not give the suns the proper distance they are owed. We have tolerated these trespasses. But now, you dare to intrude upon us when we intone the ancient war-chants! This music is sacred to us, and your ships make mock of it and think it pleasant and entertaining! No longer shall we endure this ridicule. The next captain who comes into our sectors humming along pleasantly will be struck down without warning.

-the Rock Home Council

* * *

Dear Admiral Tully,

We regret to [indecipherable] without shields [muffled] refuse to proceed [encrypted] inadequate to the challenge [muttered] communicating through cloaks [gibberish] impossible.

Best,  
[redacted], aboard the Nesasio

* * *

Dear Admiral Tully,

Why is it that when the Rebels install Anti-Ship Batteries on planets they've conquered, they're "encouraging us to move on with our mission" and "safeguarding bystander planets from further harassment," but when we try to do it, we're "committing war crimes" and "illicitly manipulating the game files"? I mean, the only time we ever use ASBs is in Abandoned Sectors trying to deter the Lanius ships. You know how much Lanius care about hull breaches? Not at all! They don't even have oxygen in their ships to begin with!

Please skip the moralizing and let us use weapons that actually stand some chance of taking out our enemies. Also, if we could install one on our ship, that would be great.

Best,  


Charlie of the Red-Tail

* * *

Dear Admiral Tully,

So we finally got the schematics for the "Shrike." Unfortunately, this ship did not come with sensors, making it difficult for us to know where to vent fires. However, we have overcome that problem; when enemy crew try to teleport aboard, we mind-control them, and they obediently find where the fires are and try extinguishing them. Talk about killing two kestrels with one stone!

Best,  
Turing and Zerimar


End file.
